Noone got away

2003-04-22 - 1:24 p.m.

Mike and I had an interesting conversation last night....

We somehow got on the topic of carrying torches for people. Everybody has been in this situation at one point or another. You know, there was that one who got away, and you always wonder what could have been.

I was pleased to admit I am currently not carrying any torches for anybody. Actually, strangely, I had closure on both of my 'what could have been' situations shortly before I met him. It's funny, because I carried one of the torches for almost a year, but the other one for almost 6! And within a few weeks, either some sort of event occurred or there was a conversation or something that made me realize that it was never going to happen and not only was I with peace with it, but I was happy about it on both accounts. I didn't miss a thing.

It's sort of a relief, actually. See, I've always had a back-up plan in every relationship I have ever been in. Sometimes it's fleeting, and sometimes there's something more to it. When it's fleeting, I don't worry about it. When there's something more, then I constantly worry (and so does the boy I'm with, except when they express said worries I tell them they're crazy for thinking my feelings lie elsewhere and get mad at them for being jealous). But now, there is noone else. There is nobody I'm secretly pining for.

It's sort of an interesting thing to realize. Part of it was brought on by my friend Hollie, who had closure on her two flames the day before she met the man she eloped with. It got me thinking, you know? I'm not sure which one of us brought it up last night, though. I want to say it was him (probably trying to tell me that he was secretly pining for some other woman, but I'm not stupid enough to ask such questions ;-), but I can't remember. Oh well.

Other stuff to say, but too much work to do. Sigh.... I've been here since 7:30, hardly took a break, and still have a ton to do!