Ain't procrastination grand?

2003-05-06 - 12:53 p.m.

What a busy day!

I spent ALL morning in the lab. I'm currently milking my lunch break because I'm just not ready to go back in there yet :-P. Ooh, maybe I'll go make a cup of tea. That'll keep me out of the lab for a while ;-).

I'm REALLY cold today. I spent a good chunk of time cleaning out flasks with acetone. I think that's what started it.

Good news, grades are up, and I got an A in spectroscopy :-). My first (and unfortunately last, since it's the last class I'm taking for grade) A in graduate school. I have finally broken out of the excedingly average category and excelled at something. Even if it something that turned out to be mostly useless.

I went on a cleaning rampage last night. I organized all of my bedroom drawers. I decided to take a bunch of my T shirts home with me because, honestly, I just don't need that many T shirts. I also threw out all of my pantyhose that had holes in them, among a bunch of other things. The drawer that got the most done to it was the 'sex' drawer (oh, come on, every girl has one!). There was a bunch of extranneous stuff in there that just didn't need to be. All of the negliges got moved to the pajama drawer, all of the support undergarments got moved to the hosiery drawer, sexy panties got moved to the undies drawer, all of the lingerie that was bought specifically for ex-lovers was tossed, I threw out my diaphragm and all of the expired condoms (I haven't used those puppies since summertime, since I'm on the pill and in a commited relationship and all, so it's been a long time since I've had to buy any). I somehow decided I should keep the good condoms, not too sure why, I guess I just feel bad tossing them. So now the sex drawer has specifically sex stuff in it: sex-only clothing, porn, oil, you know, the good stuff ;-). It's actually kinda empty, I need to buy more :-P

I was up pretty late doing all of this crazy stuff. Meanwhile I was washing more clothing, so I have even more to fold and put away tonight. YAY!

When I was done and decided it was bedtime, but wasn't quite sleepy yet, I decided to read. But I didn't feel like reading the book I'm currently reading, so I decided it might be fun to read my journal from the beginning, but making sure to stop before mid-September, when things get really sad for a while there.

I only started it last June, when Mikey and I had broken up but then slept together. It was really interesting to read. There's a very clear healing/growing process over the course of last summer. It's amazing how much I recognized about myself without even realizing it. How much I battled with the idea of things vs. the reality of them (do I truly like this person, or the is it all about the chase? that sort of thing). I won't put anything too specific up here, because it might hurt the feelings of some of my readers. But I highly recommend keeping a private journal, especially when going through some sort of crisis, and then rereading it some time later. It's just a good way to take stock of who you are and how you've grown.

The peaks and valleys in my self-esteem as a result of getting over a failed relaitonship were interesting to read about. There's a very distinct point where it's quite clear that I had moved on, even though it was a while later that I make a mention of the fact that I thought I might be over things. It was also really funny to remind myself of all of my... ahem... conquests. I don't think that any one person knows all of those stories ;-). Hell, some of them never got repeated.

But the best part was reading what I wrote after meeting Mike. It was nice to see how some things still haven't changed, just shy of 9 months later :-). It was nice to read what was going through my head, the peaks and valleys of self-esteem associated with the start of a new (long distance) relationship. I can't tell you how many times I wrote something along the lines of 'he's not going to like me anymore when he sees me' or 'he has built me up so much in his head that I could only be a disappointment' or 'I'm really not very pretty, smart or interesting, and I'm not too sure how I tricked him into thinking I am, but he's going to figure it out and go running' or 'the novelty is going to wear off and he's not going to think it's worth the effort'. Well, you get the idea. Of course, it's not all negative. It's mostly very positive and happy, even if it is a little bit crazy, like 'I've known this guy for all of 5 minutes and I'm already falling for him. What's wrong with me?' or 'this isn't supposed to happen, I'm not supposed to act this way. I make fun of people who act this way!'

I think I have procrastinated quite enough. I'm almost done with my tea, and I need to get back into the lab.