Gotta love the attention ;-)

2003-01-24 - 11:54 a.m.

I actually took this quiz twice, because I was between 2 answers in some cases. I got 2 different results:

What Kind of FLIRT are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Kind of FLIRT are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

They both sort of apply - but the second one is a bit more accurate I think. I can't help but flirt, it's just who I am. It does sometimes get me into trouble. But as long as everybody realizes that I'm just flirting, then we're all good :-). Though, there's also a 'silly flirt' category, which also seems to apply.

So on a positive note, I am starting to like my body again. On a negative note, I got really depressed last night and it carried over until the morning. I don't feel like I can talk to anybody about the stuff that upsets me, unfortunately, because I don't want to bring anybody down. Nobody knows what to say, anyway. It just makes them uncomfortable and makes me feel guilty about that. But therapy didn't work, either, because I don't have any problems I need to get to the bottom of - there are no hidden psychoses here. All of the reasons why I get depressed sometimes are very clear to me, and very valid. I'm not 'just sad' for no good reason.

Geez - just writing about it is making me cry. You'd think I'd be past the point of spontaneously crying during the cay, but I'm not. I don't cry every day anymore, but I do cry at least 3 or 4 times a week. It's usually at night, or when I'm alone somewhere (which I am right now, so I guess it makes sense). It happens a lot while I'm sitting in traffic, and I start getting upset by that. A whole snowball effect comes from that.

I should probably change the subject, so I can end this on a happier note. Hmm... class was good this morning. Full of quantum-y goodness!

It's really freakin' cold out right now. Today's high (which we've peaked at already, it's all downhill from here) is actually LOWER than the average low for this day. I suppose I should be thankful that we haven't reached the record low (-3), though I wouldn't mind it if we could break that all time high of 76. I would take hot, sticky, humid weather over this crap any day. Let's remember, my two best adult summers where the one I spent living in Atlanta and the one I spent living in Gainesville, Florida. I specify adult summers because my best summer of all time is sort of hard to pin down. One of the top contenders has to be the summer of '94 - my big coming of age summer. All of the greatest bands were playing (I even got to see Pink Floyd), I had this new freedom, I lost my innocence, so to speak (though, I was only 15 and definitely too young to be doing such things). Hmm...now I'm rambling. The moral of the story is that I definltely prefer HOT weather to COLD weather. Of course, if it was 70 degrees out every day, I might not mind it so much ;-). Actually, I'm totally lying, because it's too cold to go to the beach when it's only 70, and I really like the beach :-P.

I had a series of weird conversations with Mike last night. I'm not going to get into too many of the details, I'm just going to say that boys are WEIRD. I mean, I am a VERY sexual person, more so than the average female, I would imagine. Add to that the fact that I am attracted to both men and women. Furthermore, my Atlanta friends are mostly all excedingly attractive people (which is surprising, considering we're a bunch of engineering dorks working towards Ph.D.s). Taking all of that into account, it is a very distinct few who make appearances into my sexual fantasies. I have never considered the majority of the people I know - even the ones who I spend considerable time with. One of my very attractive friends was around for about a year before I found her attractive.

I bring this up because Mike tells me that it is a typical male thing to fantasize about all of the women in comes into regular contact with. The really hot ones enter immediately, the less than attractive ones enter after some amount of time, but they all make it. Umm... EWE! Besides wondering who all he's fantasizing about (because I am not about to be jealous of his imagination), this disturbs me as somebody who has lots of male friends, lots of male professors, and is in a primarily male field. EWE EWE EWE!!!

Well, anyway, I'm going to go on disbelieving it, because it's just not appropriate for most of the men I know to think that way of me - even for a brief moment. It's fine if it happens, so long as I don't know it's happening, suspect it might be happening, or know that statistically speaking, it has probably happened. I will just assume that all of you boys have a mind at least as clean as my own ;-).

In unrelated news, I think I'm going to a party tonight. It's really cold out, but whatever, I'll stay inside. I don't smoke, so it's really easy to stay indoors. I don't plan on drinking. I weigh in tomorrow, and I'm hoping to hit 5 pounds (I had lost 3 that first week). I'm also actually about 4 points over for this week so far, so I have to keep my meals relatively light and avoid the snack tables. Avoiding drinking is really easy, so long as I keep a big glass of water in my hand (which I did last weekend). But when Sonya makes her spinach dip, it's really all over. That stuff is SO good!!!!

I'll close with this statement, sent to me in an e-mail from my friend Hollie: "Nice vagina entry...oh, did I say vagina? I meant diary. They both have an "a" and an "i" -- easy mistake.

" I liked it - keep up the good work!