I think you're (pause) cute....

2003-02-06 - 5:39 p.m.

So I don't feel much like reading about parametric pumping, so I will get into my discussion on attraction.

I always wonder what makes us attracted to other human beings. I know that there are a lot of theories involving pheromones, genetic structuring, evolution, etc. But I don't even know if I want to get into all of that (or if I even buy into any of it).

What I'm talking about is that basic sexual attraction that happens when you see somebody for the first time. A good example of that is when I first saw Mike. I ran into the church at Joe and Brook's wedding late, sat down, got situated and then spotted him. The second I saw him I was attracted. It wasn't a passing, 'hmm, he's cute' sort of thought (which happens on a fairly regular basis in my daily interactions with people). It was a 'he will be mine, oh yes, he will be mine' sort of thing.

So when we went into the receiving line, it split up into 2 lines to get the bells. I purposely chose his, so I could lay the groundwork for later.

I asked him yesterday when he became attracted to me, figuring it was after my friends surrounded him and guilted him into suffering through a dance with me. He said he noticed me WAY before that, and was happy when I wound up in his line to get a bell. Strange.

So I guess it was a case of mutual, unrelated attraction. I didn't think that happened. I thought that one person always noticed first, then acted in such a way to make the other person notice. You know, the guy who makes eyes at you across the dance floor who you only notice because he was staring. Or the cute guy at the supermarket who you make a naughty little comment about canteloupe ripeness and he, in turn, shows you how to buy a fresh one. But not in our case. It was totally unrelated to the other's feelings from both sides. Curious....

So, okay, there's that instant lust. But what about attraction that develops over time and then disappears? I have 2 examples I'm going to get into.

First is the enormous crush I had on Brian. I met him at the fall picnic my first year. See, I was sitting with Amanda and Heather in a very socially active spot at this party. So lots of people walked by and talked to us. Eventually, just like everybody else, Brian made it over to us and started telling us about the skydiving club. I hardly noticed him. In fact, I didn't even remember it wa Brian until MONTHS later, when I learned that he was on the skydiving team. We chatted for about 5 minutes about skydiving and how I wanted to do it, and I decided that I was sitting there for too long and I was getting cold, so I needed to get up. I think I was even rude about it, that's how little interest I had in sitting there and talking to him.

But then, very early on in fluids class, I got this giddy school girl crush on him. It wasn't real attraction at first, I didn't think he was hot or anything. But I thought he was adorable, and really smart. During recruiting weekend, when he stuck by Heather and me the entire night, I learned about how fun he could be. That's when it became actual attraction. Mind you, I had no intentions at this point, but it was enough so that the night Mikey and I broke up, Heather pointed out that I was now free to chase Brian (I never told her I was interested in him).

So we flirted, a LOT. We skydived together, we hung out at school, we even went out once on what I believe was a date. I was really into him. Then one day, boom, it was over. Just like that, in the blink of an eye. Actually, it was at about the exact moment I saw Mike. Strange.

Don't get me wrong, I still think that Brian is a super smart cutie pie. I just don't want him.

The other story is the Mikey story. Mikey and I were friends for about 3 years before it even occurred to me that he might be an option. Then one day, boom, it all hit me. I don't know which of us was attracted first, because as soon as I noticed it I started sending signals and he started sending them right back. Who sent the first signal, well, that's hard to tell. That's mainly because I always had a flirty relationship with him (just like with all of my male friends).

So anyway, signals flew, it became mutual, and then one day, not so much anymore. I can't pinpoint that one like in the Brian scenario, because I stopped being REALLY attracted to him before we broke up, but didn't completely stop being attracted to him until after we broke up. I remember that first time he kissed me when it just felt wrong (it was at some point after we broke up). It was all over from there.

So I'd like to see the evolutionaries (is that the right word?) try to decipher these cases. One case where it was purely physical (until it turned into something deeper, of course), one case that started out as nothing, became innocent, became huge, then just died, and one case where there was NOTHING for many, many years, then something huge and powerful, then back to nothing again.

I want to hear similar stories from other people. I just got JoeCook's with Brook over IM (I'll leave it to him to post it if he cares to). But I want to hear about the people you never succeeded with, the ones you're with, the ones you used to be with, etc. I suddenly find the whole concept of physical attraction very, very interesting and want to read more about other people's experiences with it.

Oh, and does anybody else remember the commercial that my title is from? I'll give you a cookie if you can tell me (except for you, cutie, since we just talked about it yesterday and you didn't know it then).