And now, six months later....

2003-03-20 - 8:39 a.m.

I had a dream about my father last night.

I was sitting in my living room in NJ, in a wooden chair near the corner by the curio cabinet, facing in towards the marble table and couch and stuff. My mother was sitting on the couch.

We were just sitting there, when my dad walked in. He was wearing khaki Dockers and a golf shirt. The golf shirt was white with a golf ball and tee on it that looked like it was painted on. It's a shirt that he actually owns and wears often, it's a nice golf shirt. As first I was in disbelief, but I got up and hugged him. Then I asked him how he was visiting me, since when he left six months ago (to the day, probably almost to the minute, actually), I never thought I'd see him again. I told him that that's what they told me, they said, "I'm sorry, but you'll never see your father again."

He laughed. He told me that just because he left it doesn't mean that he wasn't there. He was still there, all right. He was, and would continue to be, there for everything.

He had gained some weight, which I teased him about. He stopped watching his diet and exercising every day. He drank his beer, and watched soccer and the news and anything else he wanted to watch.

He was happy. He told me not to worry about him or to miss him, and that I should stop being sad and crying so much. Then he told me that he loved me and that he was proud of me.

It didn't last long, because I woke up. I wish I waited until he left, until he was done telling me what he had to say, before it had to end.

I love you too, Dad. Thanks for dropping by and checking up on me.