The world is a happy place, the world is a happy place (repeat until true)

2003-02-04 - 12:56 p.m.

This may be a bit choppy, since I'll probably write some, go back to my quantum homework, and then write some more.

Speaking of, my quantum homework blows! I know, I know, I really do like quantum mechanics. But, right now, we're pounding out the basics. We're totally beating these things into the ground. Why? Because the chemists haven't taken any math in a very long time. So now we engineers have to suffer through this tedious math homework. I know how to integrate and differentiate very well, thank you very much. I know my Gaussian integrals. My accounting skills do need some help, though, so I guess it is good practice. I'm really good at dropping negative signs :-P. But still, this homework is killing me. If it was difficult, then fine, I wouldn't mind sitting here and reasoning it through. But there's no reason involved. It's all plug and chug. It just takes a long time because the equations are long and there are lots of constants to carry through.

Tony - I'm sorry. I could only imagine how much it sucks to be so in love with somebody who's two-timing you. All I can say is that the right woman will come along. I know it sounds cliche, but it does happen. It will happen. (HUG)

I think I had a breakthrough moment last night. I feel way more mentally stable than I have in quite some time. I guess I didn't realize just how much I've been bottling up. See, being a very open person, I sometimes forget about my vault because the rest of me is open all of the time. I have to stop filling the vault with emotional crap. I just need to let that stuff out. I made myself 'fine' too soon, because I was tired of being sad all the time. Before last night, I haven't cried in the presence of another human being in I don't know how long. It was good. I needed that, cutie, thanks :-).

Of course, after being on the phone super late, I couldn't sleep. There was a really beautiful storm, but it made me really paranoid strangely. So I got in late, after some fun insomnia and some very disturbing dreams. So now I'm sleepy, but all I'm doing is homework until my 3:00 meeting. Hopefully I'll have enough energy when that's over to really get a lot out of kickboxing.

I'm back to wanting to be an astronaut when I grow up. Forget cosmetics, or forensics, or any of that other nonsense. Space exploration is where it's at! Strange, you'd think that one would have been shoved down to the bottom of the list. But nope! I've heard too many people bitch recently that the space program is an enormous waste of money. My response to them is that they should then go live in a cave, because they don't get to play with technology if they feel that its development was a waste of money. No satellite TV, no GPS, no cell phones, no cutting edge medical procedures, nothing. I've heard a LOT of people who I know and respect say a LOT of things that I disagree with about scientific research (how it can't be trusted, how it's unnecessary because we already know how things work, so why bother looking into it, yada yada yada), but I guess this time it's gone too far. Mainly because most of the people who bitch don't know anything about the research that goes on, and they think we just want to see what it's like to 'play' in a zero gravity atmosphere. Not that I'm Miss Well-Versed-in-all-things-scientific-research or anything. I don't know. I don't think I have a point....

Hmm...that's all I feel like writing today....